My name is Inbal Alon, and I am really thankful for all the opportunities I have had to experience the beautiful diversity of this world. I've lived in Israel, the United States, Canada, Ghana, Ecuador, and Tanzania, and now Uganda.
I am so lucky. The past few months are hard to put into words; they have been so filled with love that the heart feels full and overflowing.
After months of planning, the time finally came to travel to France for Pierre’s and I’s wedding. It started to feel real when we met Pierre’s family in Paris and then my family arrived. We were all so happy to be together again. We travelled to La Buisse in the South of France for final preparations. By Thursday, many of our friends and family had arrived and the fun part started. It was so nice to see people again, to catch up, to share some stories, and just to be in the company of loved ones. We had so many special moments, from the little laughs while assembling wedding programs, to eating too much cheese, and the life of moments of seeing my dad read his thank you card, and wearing my mom’s wedding dress for the rehearsal dinner. On Saturday, after a very relaxed morning, we started to get ready. It was fun to have my sisters and my best friends with me, helping to keep me smiling during hair and makeup, and making me feel like a princess with their support. Before we knew it, the time had arrived. Walking down to the tent and chupa with my parents was very emotional, seeing all the faces of our friends and family and Pierre waiting for me in the front. There is something so special about so many friends and families gathering to celebrate our union. It is more than just seeing people again, it is a unique feeling of all the love and support we have in our life, combined, in one magical moment in time, and together it is more than the sums of its parts. We just felt so loved, and on a day that celebrates our love, we were so thankful for this magical feeling. I often feel gratitude for all the love I have in my life, but the wedding was more than that, it was a celebration of love and its complete acceptance. The ceremony was wonderful. I loved listening to our family and friends read the poems and prayers that mean so much to us, and to share that moment with Pierre. Our vows felt really special, to share with each other, in the presence of so many was really special. At the same time, despite sharing the wedding with everyone, parts of it felt very personal. There were moments when I looked into Pierre’s eyes and it was just the two of us. After the ceremony, we got a quiet moment at the house, and looked out and everyone having cocktails and getting ready for dinner, and we felt so lucky to have so many wonderful people in our life. The dinner and party were so much fun. It was really amazing to see our families and friends all meet each other and discuss issues and dance and sing together. We danced until 4 am, and eventually Pierre got thrown in the pool by his brothers. The best part, is that even with the wedding through, I still feel the luckiest person in the world, for being married to my best friend and all that we have ahead of us.
From France we went to Israel. We enjoyed a few days in Jerusalem, a nice trip to the dead sea, and seeing lots of family. We had another nice wedding celebration for my Israeli family who could not attend. My parents were amazing at planning it all on their own. The best part was dancing with my grandfather, who has been refusing to go on walks, but somehow managed to dance with half the girls in the family.
After a few short weeks in Uganda, Pierre and I traveled to South Africa for the World Cup. The atmosphere was great with people all over the world coming to support their teams and the love of the game. We went to a few games; I supported Ghana all the way, and had a few football disappointments along the way. We also got to take a trip to the Drakenberg Mountains, a beautiful area in South Africa. In the morning, with the sun light on the red mountains, a cool breeze, and a warm hug from Pierre, I just felt like the entire world is in my heart, like I have everything I need and I am everywhere I want to be. We also visited Lesotho for a few hours, a mountainous and beautiful country we hope to get back to some day.
Now, after another wonderful trip to Switzerland for Edouard’s and Anna’s wedding, we are back home and looking forward to returning to our life here.
Sometimes, in the morning, in that state of being between dream and reality, I am amazed that we are all made of skin, bones, and a lot of water. It seems unreal, a story made up by scientist, that we’re all made of the same stuff, and yet our experiences are so different. It feels much more plausible that we are made of our experiences; lungs from the moments that take our breath away, eyes from the images we can’t forget, ears from music. That somehow these experiences form us, one organ at a time.
The past two months have been filled with special experiences. Towards the end of February, I had the opportunity to participate in a livelihoods development workshop with some of the community leaders from organizations Bantwana supports. The idea is that with some start-up support and more information on productive farming techniques and collective marketing, farmers can make an income for their families and move beyond subsistence farming. At the workshop, I learned a lot about organic farming, which is the most cost-efficient in Western Uganda, a place with plenty of rain and fertile soil. During the practical session, we learned how to dig a trench for water conservation and plant a vegetable garden for improved nutrition. There is something special about being closer to the food we eat, to experiencing where it comes from, the labor that goes into it. Perhaps the vitamins from these vegetable gives us strength because they reflect the strength of the hands who cultivate them.
At the end of February, Pierre and I both traveled to visit our families. Pierre went to France and I went to the US. Seeing my parents after 6 months was really nice. There is something warm and comforting about being taken care of by your parents, even in the middle of winter. Parent’s unconditional love builds that part of the heart that allows us to love other unconditionally; I do not have the science to prove it, but I know it my heart it is true. Between enjoying work with my Boston colleagues and friends, catching up with friends, a conference in Chicago, a brief visit to Toronto, and enjoying time with my parents and Lior, time really flew by. My good friends, Sheede, Lindsey, and Joanna, organized a very sweet bridal shower for me, and all the recipes, advice, and love I received have integrated into various parts of me, from my taste buds to my toes, and have helped me feel like part of a community of women in the universal transformation we all experience from daughter to woman.
Coming back to Uganda felt great, a coming home of sorts. Pierre and I were happy to finally get to spend some time with our new cat, Chapatti. She is a kitten from my old cat in Gulu, Kuch. Chapatti is a bundle of energy; she is always running or climbing the curtains, and she provides endless entertainment. We’ve also moved to a new house, just two minutes down the street, so I can still see my favorite kids. It is a bigger and nicer house, so we now have a guest room and expect guests. Building a home with Pierre, our very first, buying chairs and planning where to hang pictures, is the calcium that makes my bones sing. It is the foundation of this shared life, and it is wonderful.
Shortly after coming back to Uganda, we were invited to my colleague Ben’s wedding. We made the trip to FortPortal and attended the ceremony in a village just outside the city. The setting was beautiful, colorful arrangements of flowers and white tents, set to the background of the mountains. The ceremony itself is a negotiation between the man’s family asking the woman’s family for permission to wed. Ben’s family brought many crates of soda and packs of local brew, but the woman’s family kept asking for more because Olive, Ben’s soon to be wife, is well educated and a beautiful woman. The negotiation went on for a while. Each time Ben’s family spoke they knelt down on a cow skin, and when they walked away, they walked backwards, never turning their back as a sign of respect. Finally, when the price was agreed upon, the woman’s family brought out a line of girls for Ben to choose from. The first line of girls they brought were very young, all part of the show. Ben said they should go back to school. The second line of girls was older, but still Olive was not there, so Ben politely asked to see more girls. Finally, in the third line of girls, Olive was there, looking stunning, and Ben picked her. The families agreed and they exchanged rings and signed a marriage contract. Just seconds after the last ceremonial part, the rain started, perfect timing. We had a meal at Ben’s home. The ceremony was really beautiful, a real exchange between two families, another experience for the heart. Sometimes, these days, I think that the heart must be ever-growing until our bodies can’t hold everything anymore, and then, I don’t know.
On the way back from FortPortal, we visited our friend Nathan. Together we went to visit the five girls we are supporting to be in school. It was lovely to see them. They met us with hugs and smiles. We listened to what classes they like and do not like, and which clubs they want to try out. It was lovely to see these young girls, who weeks ago were at home, feeling so happy at school. Appreciation for education, that’s a cell in my brain that forever has a picture of our five students and a feeling of their hugs. The fear in my stomach, that I can’t really make a difference, it fades when I am with these girls at their new school. Funny, that from all places in the body, contemplation, and sometimes the anxiety that comes with it, surface in the stomach. We wished the girls luck on their exams and made the journey back to Kampala.
We also stopped by and visited our friend and new business partner, Justus. We’re starting a business together that buys maize from farmers (at a fair price) and then processes the maize into maize flour, for the Ugandan meal posho. We’re just starting and learning, but we hope in time, we can set up a sustainable, social business that contributes to the wellbeing of farmers in Uganda.
Now, just weeks away from the wedding, we are getting really excited, and also continue to enjoy our life here.
Hope you have a time of wonderful experiences.
Thanks for being in my life,
Inbal
From the bridal shower in Needham
Learning to farm
Home in Kampala
Chapatti, playing outside
Enjoying our new porch
Chapatti, or new cat
Pierre in his new office... and it can also be a guest room... come and visit :)
Our nice kitchen... the other day we made Moroccan Tagine!
Living room
Our business adventures
Justus at the maize mill
Pierre and Justus in the office... the posho in the background is for sell
bags of maize
Ben's wedding in Fort Portal
the view in the evening
Ben's family bringing the gifts for Olive's family
The first line of girls... "they are too young" says Ben
The second line of girls... sent back because Olive is not there
looking for Olive in the 3rd line of girls
Here she is!
The exchange of rings (Yes, Olive changed her dress, very fashionable!)
The passed few months have been blessed with joy, and so I wonder sometimes when my head feels heavy with thoughts and concerns, whether there is a loose connection in my mind that short-circuits my abundant happiness from resulting in contentment. That’s quite heavy for the beginning of an update, but let me share some stories that will make some sense, maybe…
Settling in Kampala has been quite fun. Pierre and I live in a cute little apartment and turning it into home is a fun process. We’re putting up pictures and all the nice cards people have sent us and learning the best position for the antenna that allows us to watch football here and there. The neighbor’s kids know our names and usually as I walk home after work, people on the street inform me whether or not Pierre is home. We’ve also gotten a car, a blue RAV 4, which has made getting around a lot easier. Pierre has been playing basketball with a nice group of people and I have been swimming a lot, which combined with sunshine, lots of fruits and vegetables, and relaxed evenings together has put us in good health.
Between my busy work schedule and Pierre’s frequent trips to West Africa for consulting work, we’ve managed to take a few nice trips.
Around thanksgiving, we went to Gulu, to attend my dear friend Jessica’s famous thanksgiving celebration. The journey was funny because we went with Betty and all the boys in a car. The road is significantly better these days but one part is still under construction and to prevent people from speeding it is covered in speed bumps, and not the small kind! We were bouncing up and down on these bumps for what seemed like forever, and every time one of the boys complained, Betty said it is good for boys to be hardened. Thanksgiving at Jessica’s was wonderful. We have it every year in her nice home in Gulu, with turkey and stuffing, and my favorite dish – sweet potatoes and bananas in brown sugar, yum! It is wonderful to share one of my favorite holidays with friends in Uganda, and the kids love it because Jessica always has a few crates of soda. Being back in Gulu was fun. With stability back to the region, the town is growing fast. The pot-hole filled road, in which I once lost my shoe during the rainy season, has been fixed and new buildings seems to be coming up everywhere. The boys at Betty’s house are now taller than me. Baby Kilama is old enough to know I am a mzungu and runs away each time I try to play, and it is wonderful to see him so grown up. My cat, Kuch, was pregnant again, and this time Pierre and I are going to take one of the kittens into our family. Betty and Mike are still busy as ever, working in Parliament, running a school, and between all these responsibilities, ever more hospitable to spend the weekend with us in Gulu.
Around Christmas time, Pierre and I went to Israel and had a really nice time with my family there. It was fun to show Pierre some of the places where I grew up. It was really nice to see all the family and catch up a bit. We spent a lot of time in Jerusalem, and had humus everyday. On the way back, we stopped in Addis Ababa for a weekend, and really enjoyed our time with our friends Ben and Lilly and their kids, who all taught us the true meaning of hospitality and the joy of family.
Back in Kampala, Annette, one of Betty’s daughters and my sister, had a baby girl called Tasha. We were so thankful that both Annette and Tasha are healthy. Being at the hospital with Annette was a shocking reminder of the long way we still have to go for equitable maternity health care around the world. Just in the few days I was visiting Annette, in one hospital, we heard about a few women who had lost babies in child birth, and a few women who themselves died in child birth. It is sad to see women suffer from issues that can be easily treated with better technology. To learn more about how you can help, Oprah’s Angels Network has a wonderful website with links to donations people can make: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/How-to-Support-Mothers-Around-the-World
Back to Tasha and Annette, I love spending time with these two. Annette is so determined to go back to finish her final year at the law development center and she is a real inspiration. Tasha is such a cute baby. She is so small, it is a bit scary to take care of her, but we had lots of help, and she’s just an amazing little treasure. Imagine that we were all that small once, and so helpless, it is hard to believe. When I see Tasha, I really think that the fact human babies survive at all, is a true testament to the power of love.
Just last weekend, Pierre and I took the RAV 4 on its first road trip to Western Uganda. We visited a few of the crater lakes outside FortPortal, beautiful sparkling blue lakes among the green mountains. We slept in a funny hotel, which was supposed to be a luxurious nature experience, but I think they forgot to clear our room before we came so Pierre was quite entertained (and patient) every time I jumped 10 feet at the site of yet another bug. It was all worth it when we walked to the banda where dinner is served and in the complete darkness you only get away from cities were surrounded by fire flies making it feel like walking on clouds. We also visited Bigodi swamp and saw many birds and monkeys.
And it is among these joys and happy experiences, that not a day goes by that I do not wonder, what are we doing here, so far from family and friends? What exactly are we looking for? Are we finding it? What is it? Do we make a difference? What does making a difference mean? Why so many questions anyway? I was starting to feel a bit concerned about my ability to be content, when Iris recommended I watch Dan Gilbert’s TED talk about Why are we happy - http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html
The talk is fascinating and mentioned two kinds of happiness: natural happiness – when we get exactly what we want – and synthesized happiness – making ourselves feel ok with the cards in our hand. The interesting part is most of us are a lot better at synthesizing happiness when we do not have a choice. All of a sudden the world around me makes a bit more sense.
I travel a lot to Western Uganda for work, and I always admire the men and women picking tea from the picturesque hills. The beauty of the view does not fool me, picking tea is really hard work, and often very unfairly under-paid, and yet, I’ve always wondered how come these men and women seem so much more at peace with their lives. Perhaps it is choices that plague our minds. For many people in rural Uganda, life is about making the most of limited opportunities. The women I admire on the tea fields do not wake up each morning and wonder did I take the right course in my master’s degree? Is this line of work the one for me? Did I pick the right country to live in? This is not to say that people do not have aspirations and motivation, they surely do, but actual choices are fewer. Choices – the fundamental element of freedom – are both a blessing and a curse.
As some of you know, for our upcoming wedding in May, Pierre and I are asking for donations to sponsor girls in Uganda to go to secondary school. This past weekend, we met the five girls we are sponsoring this year. We hope to sponsor them for the 6 years of secondary school. It was really nice to meet the girls and their families. As we looked through the long list of requirements for secondary school and then visited the girls’ families, it became quite clear why so many families cannot afford secondary school for their children. It is an odd feeling, an uncomfortable and at the same time amazing feeling, having so much influence on someone’s life. As we met the girls, I thought about choices. In essence, giving them this opportunity for education is trying to open up doors for their future; to increase the choices they will be able to make, with both the joys and responsibilities that comes from being able to make choices.
So in the end, choices, with the toll they take on the mind, still seem to also lead to joy. Perhaps a life of contemplation, while not content, can also be filled with happiness. I think of a beautiful poem, recently featured in a fantastic movie about Nelson Mandela called Invictus, and I hope that along the questions that float in my head as the master of my own fate, I can also be a better, more forgiving and patient, captain of my soul.
Invictus by William Ernest Hensley.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Thank you for being in my life,
Inbal
Kilama (on the right) in Gulu
Betty and Mike at Annette's and Maria's Graduation Party
With a Edton's girls on a day at the pool
Kyenjojo town - the trading center of the district where we sponsor the girls for secondary school
Trees in Bigodi swamp - can you see the monkeys!
Tree with great blue turaco birds
Next to the Bigodi Swamp
Sun rise in Western Uganda
Pierre relaxing
Little friend that visited during lunch at the Crater Lakes
Crater Lakes outside of Fort Portal
Traffic on the road to the lakes
Enjoying a big glass of my favorite drink - passion fruit juice
